Yeah. I guess—I spent a long time pretending to be human. And—I guess as a result, I'm just not used to people knowing—me. All of me. Actually being close to people wasn't an option because I was always holding something back.
Mmmh. Not really. I had a bit of a run-in with younger Marco when I was also younger, but it's not like I'm going to take that to heart. I know it's just Marco.
[makes a slightly frustrated noise, running a hand through his hair]
Please, Adrien. I'm not—trying to fight you, or misinterpret what you're saying. I'm agreeing? I'm just . . . complaining. I—I want to feel better. I want to be—I don't know. In a different situation. Both because I don't want to worry you, and also because—I hate it too?
I guess when—I was at home, at least after getting engaged to Kieran . . . I had people around me who liked me for who I was, but I didn't have to—meet new people? And I already knew what I knew—I wasn't waiting to be surprised by new horrors that had slipped into amnesia.
But there were always other problems looming. So . . . not really?
Then maybe when you're back home again, you'll be able to get closer to peace. Those problems might be worked through, one day. But I know that doesn't help here, when there's something new to field all the time.
Well. I know I can't change the basic facts for you. And it'll only hurt to pretend otherwise. But whatever I can do to make the individual moments lighter . . . here I am. All right?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Day 82, with Marco
. . .
Yeah. I guess—I spent a long time pretending to be human. And—I guess as a result, I'm just not used to people knowing—me. All of me. Actually being close to people wasn't an option because I was always holding something back.
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But it's still—hard.
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I'm really good in bed?
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[he goes red and a little off-kilter at Marco not taking the bait and letting Tristan fluster him into giving up]
. . .
No. I—that's probably not why.
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Okay, good. I'm glad you're aware of that.
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[blinks at him, then sort of. relaxes into a little grin. then laughs.]
. . . thanks, Marco.
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You helped.
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[He exhales. His relief is palpable.]
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I'm—glad you're okay, too.
[given that you almost got murdered earlier]
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A bunch of people went into your heart and then someone tried to assassinate you for your perceived sins.
As your friend, I had some concerns.
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Day 94, With Adrien
It's—fine. I probably shouldn't be so sensitive.
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[tenses up a bit and turns pink]
No, I know you—
Sorry. There's only one person in this whole place that's actually mean to me. His name is Tristan.
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[said with affection, but yeah, it's just marco]
I hate to think of you stuck with such an enduring unhappiness. I worry.
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. . . I don't think that's exactly what I meant by what I said. I don't think I was giving you a task.
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[makes a slightly frustrated noise, running a hand through his hair]
Please, Adrien. I'm not—trying to fight you, or misinterpret what you're saying. I'm agreeing? I'm just . . . complaining. I—I want to feel better. I want to be—I don't know. In a different situation. Both because I don't want to worry you, and also because—I hate it too?
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[shrugs]
I guess when—I was at home, at least after getting engaged to Kieran . . . I had people around me who liked me for who I was, but I didn't have to—meet new people? And I already knew what I knew—I wasn't waiting to be surprised by new horrors that had slipped into amnesia.
But there were always other problems looming. So . . . not really?
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Go on?
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[exhales a bit raggedly]
Aha. I don't know what word I was going to finish that with. "Safe?" "Free?"
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Well. I know I can't change the basic facts for you. And it'll only hurt to pretend otherwise. But whatever I can do to make the individual moments lighter . . . here I am. All right?
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[a little desperately like he's trying to reassure him]
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I would do anything.
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[relaxes with a little sigh]
. . . I know you would. I know, Adrien.
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Being here is at least—I mean. Almost most of those.
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